Phinnaeus

I don't normally speak much about my family, for several reasons. I adore the Munchkins; they're as different from each other as night from day, and yet the older they get, the more they seem to get along better with each other. Sometimes I like to sit back and watch the two of them entertain each other. They're both a couple of goofs, and I can see Marigold developing a wicked sense of humor as she gets older.

For some reason, however, Phinnaeus and I have had a special bond with each other since the moment he entered the world. I have often felt he is the reincarnation of my father. Both have red hair, freckles and blue eyes. Both are extremely bright, and blessed with a sense of the ridiculous. Phinnaeus and I understand each other on a level that many people do not. I see him as kind-hearted, sensitive, funny, and intelligent with a wonderful intellectual curiosity.

Phinnaeus phones me every few days, and we chat about anything and everything - sort of a stream of consciousness conversation. We just go wherever our thoughts take us. Usually we end up laughing.

Phinnaeus did extremely well at the end of his school term this year, beating out most of the other kids, and the principal shook his hand. But, like all little boys, he can tend to be a bit of a slob. He's a typical guy, you know. He makes me laugh, because I can see the man he is going to be when he grows up. One day some lucky girl will find him, and I know Phinnaeus will keep her entertained. But he also will be very sweet, loving and empathetic. He's a very kind-hearted little soul.

However.....

Someone in his life recently told him, during a casual conversation, that he has a "touch" (...a touch?) of Asperger's Syndrome. Naturally, Phinneaus in his curiosity researched Asperger's Syndrome and was shattered when he read the medical explanation of the disorder. And he could not see the relationship to him. It did not describe him at all.

From what I understand of Asperger's Syndrome, it is a form of autism. Children with Asperger's are unable to fully communicate with other people on a give and take level. They lack empathy and many of the things they do are done by rote. They cannot understand humor because they have no sense of humor or irony. This definitely does not describe Phinnaeus.

A friend of mine said recently that children are not miniature adults. They are children, and they learn and process everything in their own way. Much of the world is still a mystery to them. I wonder how much we impose our own template on children, and turn them into something they are not. How much of children's quirkiness is simply childish traits and how much is something more ominous? I don't know if Phinnaeus has Asperger's or not. I am not a diagnostician. I only know he and I chat about all sorts of things, including philosophy, politics, religion, art, music, literature, architecture, travel, and so much more. And we laugh. A lot. He can see the humor in anything. I told him that was his blessing, to be able to laugh at the world.

But, my heart breaks for him that he has been told he has Asperger's, and it has changed him. It has made him sadder. And the really sad thing is, I don't think he has it. But that doubt will always be in his mind.